Hopeful Reality
I am unstoppable
Nobody can beat me
That's improbable
Nothing special about me
An unwavering will to win
Nobody can beat me
Addicted to sin
Sacrifice needed to succeed
An unwavering will to win
Nothing is guaranteed
Doubt will fill your mind
Sacrifice needed to succeed
An unwavering reason you need to find
Keep you going through those times
Doubt will fill your mind
Victory isn't always, just sometimes
I am unstoppable
Keep you going through those times
That's improbable
Golden Goal
Fighting viciously for freedom
for liberty
for the day the unstoppable
is stopped
Chief walking with swag
in his infinite power
be powerless
use Stealth to achieve liberty
lose everything to gain everything
infinite
equality
Rafael - I think your poem Hopeful Reality would be wonderful set to music. You have some nice repetition and rhyme to work with.
Your second poem is a manifesto of sorts, and I think needs to be expanded to fit in all that you have to say. Try to add imagery to fill out the poem.
Mimi Moriarty
Golden Goal revised
Fighting viciously for freedom
Heart filled with valor
Never backing down
Sacrificing everything
In hope that one day
You will make a difference
Be of importance
Remembered
Respected
A piece to a whole
Something way bigger
Than you alone could ever be
I think the revised version is better because like you said, Mimi Moriarty is a gifted and published poet. Her possessional opinion definitely assisted me in revising my poem to make it the best that it could be.
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